I went to Houston this past week for a couple of reasons. I had a meeting with the Appearances Mastectomy Boutique at MD Anderson Hospital as well as a 2 day Breast Health Summit conference. There have been a few times in my life where I actually felt I was in the right place at the right time for the right reason. Not only do I feel I was suppose to be at this conference to introduce the Recovery Brobe to so many nurses, state workers, and non-profits, but I know I was supposed to be there to meet a few certain women.
In the couple of years since creating the Recovery Brobe I have heard from countless women about the pain that comes with the surgery, i.e. the drains, the hot flashes, and the general discomfort. I could sympathize with them and was happy to have created something to make their lives a bit easier but never REALLY empathize with the emotion, the strain, and the helplessness behind having cancer.
I met a women this past week, lets call her Jane. Do you ever meet those people who just have good energy? You know within seconds of meeting them they are good people. You just want to be in there presence because you just feel good when around them. That is how Jane is. She is a widow, a mom, a businesswoman, and a chaplain. Jane is also surviving a very rare type of cancer called Inflammatory Breast Cancer and is about to finish her last chemo treatment tomorrow. She has had a double mastectomy and is choosing not to have reconstruction because she likes her "perky lil boobies" she can take in and out. While Jane and I talked, me drinking a martini, she drinking water, it opened my eyes to things I had not thought about before. Jane proceeded to tell me she never gets sick and she does not come from a family with cancer. One afternoon her breast became very swollen and she thought she may have had an infection. While in the doctors office she laid on a table, the doctor looked over her breast on a screen. Without any emotion, the doc says "you have a very rare type of cancer and the chances for survival are slim." That's it. He didn't even look at Jane as he walked out the door. She got up, got dressed, and called her friend to say she just found out she is going to die.
Do you ever hear stories and envision yourself in the story? I did. I thought "how would I say those words?" How would I tell my husband, my mom, my friends and my daughters? I started tearing up as she was telling me this because it is something no one should ever have to say. Yet, people have to say it everyday. Even now, it tears me up just even thinking about that situation.
Jane also talked about how her daughter reacted. Her daughter just found out she was pregnant the day Jane told her she had cancer. Jane explained the anger & the hurt her daughter felt and still feels. I try to put myself in the daughters shoes. My mother is the one person I have looked up to my whole life. She is my rock, my mentor, and my best friend. How would I feel if she told me she was sick and going to die? My world would come crashing down.
Jane talked about after her treatments how sick she would be. She hid how sick she was from her family and friends. She told me how sometimes her daughter would call and ask how she was doing. Jane would have just thrown up in her bed because she couldn't make it to the bathroom. In a very sweet voice she would say to her daughter, "I'm great" just to save her child from the heartache. Again, I thought if that were me, I also would say anything, even lie, to protect my baby from knowing the hard, sad truth.
Jane spoke about going back to work. She would be giving presentations and literally throwing up or having diarrhea in front of everyone because it would come out of nowhere. She had no control. I can't imagine the humiliation that brings and how strong a person has to be to just pick themselves up and show up again and again. Sickness, no matter what kind it is is terrifying, trying, exhausting, and confusing. Thank you Jane for opening my eyes from a different perspective and adding to another reason why we need to come together and beat this disease.
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